Italy is burning but Tavecchio is staying

'Dinosaur' Ventura has left Italy with a bumper pay off but FA chief Tavecchio is going nowhere amid rumors Ancelotti will be hired.

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The Godfather remake - starring Berlusconi, Maradona, Ronaldo and Obama

Who says that movie remakes are never as good as the originals?! Director Omar Momani and screenwriter Carlo Garganese have produced a new version of the 1972 classic, The Godfather. Starring Silvio Berlusconi in the title role, it tells the story of the shady AC Milan president’s attempt to maintain power amidst the unscrupulous and under-handed world of Italian football. Forget about Leonardo Di Caprio and The Revenant, it is Silvio Berlusconi’s portrayal of Don Vito Corleone that could be leading a clean sweep of Oscars this weekend.

"Someday, and that day may never come, I would like to call upon you to do me a service”. On the day his daughter is to be married, Berlusconi sits behind his desk in the dark study and is begged by a family friend to dish out ‘justice’. Berlusconi’s loyal consigliere Adriano Galliani and hot-headed ‘son’ Rino Gattuso observe the meeting.

The Berlusconis are hosting an extravagant wedding party to celebrate the union of Silvio’s daughter Barbara and her husband Alexandre Pato. The entire family pose for an iconic group photo. From left to right; Galliani, Silvio’s disloyal son Leonardo, Pato, Barbara, Silvio’s wife Veronica, Don Berlusconi, Gattuso, and Silvio’s final son Paolo Maldini – a returning hero who has been away for a long time.

Berlusconi “never asks a second favour when he has been refused the first”, as rival Gianni Agnelli learns to his cost when he wakes up to find the head of his beloved prize zebra in his bed.

Berlusconi is dragged into a mob war after one of his men suffers a grim fate at the hands of two other sinister Italian football figures; Maurizio Zamparini and Diego Armando Maradona.

Berlusconi makes a short trip to the grocery store to buy some fruit but is set upon by a couple of men sent by nemesis Maradona. Silvio’s brittle and bungling son Leonardo, whom would later betray the family, fumblingly fails to protect his father.

“Leave the gun, take the cannoli”! One of Berlusconi’s most prolific and portly hitmen, Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima, shows he has the stomach for a fight after leaving another opponent for dead.

"How much they paying you to set my father up?" Paolo Maldini makes the best interception of his career to prevent a massive conspiracy led by another big Berlusconi enemy, Captain Massimo Moratti. Moratti is not impressed, and nor are his henchmen Tronchetti Provera and Guido Rossi.

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”. Berlusconi attempts to put an end to the bloodshed by calling a meeting of Calcio’s most influential and powerful leaders. Luciano Moggi, Carlo Tavecchio and Aurelio De Laurentiis are all in attendance, as are the presidents of the United States and Russia – mutual friends of Berlusconi.

"You're out, Adriano!". The film ends as an ageing Berlusconi desperately attempts to find a suitable successor for his family empire. In the end he hands over power to the returning hero Maldini after his long period of exile. Unfortunately, Maldini’s appointment spells bad news for consigliere Galliani.

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