Flushed! Louis van Gaal sends himself down the tubes after agreeing with fans that Manchester United were "f***ing s**t" in their 2-1 Europa League loss against FC Midtjylland.

 

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Lionel Messi brought up his 300th Liga goal against Sporting Gijon, and though Cristiano Ronaldo has already reached the landmark, the Argentine is loving all the plaudits.

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Bullseye

Edinson Cavani angled in the perfect shot to give Paris Saint-Germain a 2-1 Champions League lead over Chelsea.

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Mortada Mansour

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The Champions League returns as PSG host Chelsea, but Serge Aurier - who has been banned for insulting Laurent Blanc and his team-mates - and the injured John Terry will be forced into a watching brief.

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Lionel Messi will wait for his 300th goal in La Liga after recreating Johan Cruyff's famous penalty routine by setting up Luis Suarez from the spot in the 6-1 thrashing of Celta Vigo.

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Simone Zaza broke Gonzalo Higuain's heart on Valentines weekend, with Juventus' 1-0 win over Napoli, Wayne Rooney also had a weekend to forget due to Manchester United's 2-1 defeat to Sunderland...

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Trifon Ivanov

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Pierluigi Collina

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Zorro-like Diego Costa

Diego Costa will wear a Zorro-like mask after breaking his nose in training, with the Chelsea looking to slay Newcastle and their manager Steve 'Wally with the Brolly' McClaren at Stamford Bridge.

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